The Initiation.

 So Dman tried out his paintball gun. . .

 . . . while Dad looked on. Gave him pointer's and gun etiquette.

 Scott had decided when we got the stuff that he wanted Dman to know right away what it feels like to be shot by a paintball so Dman won't be so quick to shoot anyone. Scott argued it was part of gun etiquette. I say he just wanted to shoot his kid. I think I'm right.

 The aftermath. D said it stung his hand (that he had tucked inside the vest).

So Dman took off his helmet/mask and we discovered he wasn't kidding when he kept telling us he could taste the paint! Scott almost fall on the ground laughing! Notice he's in the background texting a picture of Dman to a friend! And smiling!

Christmas Day. . .

 . . . was quiet and peaceful. For me, it was a reflection of Christmas past when Scott was deployed. For some reason my thoughts kept returning to that year and how much it hurt to not have him home. It's been five years, but I still appreciate just having him home. I relish my hubby!

 And we had a White Christmas! Wasn't much, but it was different than rain, lol!

 The kids, as done in years past, savored their Christmas Stockings.

They take almost two hours to go through it. I love that they appreciate it!

 Nina received footie pajamas, a robe, home design software, and boots. I asked to take her picture and this was the cheesy look she just had to give me. . . I warned her not to do it, or I would blog it!

Dominic received enough gear to paintball with a few friends. I'm proud of Scott's find: about four hundred dollars worth of paintball gear for only $100! Who doesn't love Craigslist?

Congratulations Beeker!

Yesterday we were blessed--yet again--with four kittens. So far I have counted three girls and one boy. . . I think. It's so hard to tell when they are so little! And these guys are smaller than any kittens we have had before. We have one that looks like a cow, two greys and a tabby mix. Most them have white boots and white "dipped" faces. Like I said, they are adorable, but really, what kittens are not stinkin' cute?

If you know anyone who's lookin' for a furball to love. . . just sayin'. . .  

Introducing. . .

 Frankie!

 We picked her up today at Left Foot Farm.

She's confirmed pregnant!

Now, I am going to go lie down since I am fighting the flu bug.

Saturday.

So with Arabella being a hermaphrodite, the condition that she has does not work well into our business plan of having goats and breeding them. So I thought about what we should do with her. . . keep her so she can tell us when the other girls are in heat? Or, find her a new home? I really gave it a lot of thought and I came up with having to find her a new home. And I had a hunch on where that home should be. . .

Last school year, I went in for a parent-teacher conference for Nina. I met Mr. Duranceau, a wonderful teacher who absolutely adores Nina and her outstanding qualities. As we got to know each other, he learned that we have goats (we were in the very beginning stages of having acquired our girls) and would be breeding them. He expressed that his wife wanted goats. Eight or nine months later we are encountering the issue of Arabella. From the day I questioned whether or not we should keep her, the Duranceau's have been on my mind. When I decided that yes, we should find Arabella someone that would love her for who she is, I emailed Mr. Duranceau via the school staff email list. I told him that I needed to talk to his wife and that I had a opportunity for her. She gave me a call, came out this last Saturday, fall in love with our Arabella, and wa-la! The Duranceau's are so stoked to have Arabella. They remind me of me when I was making all my plans for the girls' arrival. Later this week, they will be coming to get her.

I just wanna shout-out to God for introducing the Duranceau's into our lives, so that later in life a match made in heaven could be played out! I know that God was laying down the path that we would later be taking. I know He knew ahead of time what we would need. Thank you!

So in the meantime, I am in communications with Jeremy, Melissa's hubby, about acquiring a pregnant doe. I do not know which doe it will be at this point, but I saw that they have Frankie for sale and I am crossing my fingers it might be her. She's beautiful and this is her second kidding. Below is a picture of Frankie. (Doesn't Left Foot Farm take awesome pics?)



My only concern is that she is actually pregnant. I am so weary of believing any doe that's been bred. But, I am learning, it's part of the business! So chin up, I can do this!

Anyhow, I will be pleased with any doe that Left Foot Farm provides because I know that all their girls are winners!

So that's the haps over the weekend. How was yours?

Cookies & a Movie!

 I was out in the loft doing some craft stuff and came down for a potty break. . . and this was what I found: three adorable children decorating their sugar cookies!

 They moved the kitchen table to the living room so they could watch Captain America while frosting and decorating the cookies. I thought, what a great idea!

Ellie, Nina's BFF, favored the peppermint sprinkles, while Nina went for detailed placement of each little sprinkle. Dman. . . well, he kept "accidently" breaking cookies. (Notice the 2 broken cookies on his paper?) Because we all know, if the cookie gets broken, it's gotta be eaten!

O Christmas Tree!

Here's our Chrsitmas Tree this year. Unlike years past where it was covered in ornaments, this year I opted for something a little different: pictures!

 I either framed or scrapped each picture.

Pictures include the kids when they were younger, family, me and Scott in our glory days. . . it was a blast in the past making this year's tree! There must be at least seventy pics on the tree. I can't wait to add more to next year's tree with the events that 2013 will bring us!

My sweetums.

 Above picture shows Star, the chocolate brown one, and Arabella, my "siamese" looking baby. Arabella is the one we just recently discovered is a hermaphrodite. On Saturday, I have someone coming over to meet Arabella to possibly provide her a new home.

The reason these pics are at the gate is because they think they are going out into the yard (again). A little while before this picture, I had let them loose into the yard and garden so they could forage. I brought them back in and this was how they responded! Goofy girls!

Meanwhile, Alice was being her onery self. I love that goat, but she is definitely one obstinate girl! Hopefully, she will be bred soon. I hope and pray she will take.

Today, I gave the girls their pedicure and it took me over an hour to do Alice because she fought me like no other, kicking and then laying down so I couldn't get to her feet! I was exhausted after wrestling with seventy pounds of pure stubborn-ness. . . but guess who won? That's right, I'm the boss lady round these here parts! Lol!

Advent "calendars"!

I have ALWAYS wanted to make my children an advent calendar; for years I looked for the right ones. Finally, I found two that really said "this is it"! Of course I found the ideas on Pinterest! What can't you find on there???

Above, Nina's "calendar" has no numbers at all. She just picks a tree and opens it from the bottom. I made these trees out of scrapbook paper in all shades of green, then I decorated the trees with garland, stars, pom poms, brads, pearls, etc. I set up the "forest" in her room and I surprised her with it. She loves opening one up everyday. . . today, she opened hers and it said "Bake Sugar Cookies"! So guess what we are doing in a little while, lol?

Dominic's calendar is more traditional in that it has numbers. What it's made out of is not so traditional: gerber jars! This was a fun project. I can't wait til he opens one up around 16th--I shoved a bouncy ball in the gerber jar and I am not so sure it's gonna come out, lol!

Blessings.

I was thinking. . . I was thinking about when Scott went away for six weeks in early 2011 to the academy in Colorado. I was thinking about how much more thankful I am today than I was then for all the people that made it happen. If it hadn't been for a handful of people, I never would have gone. The entire ordeal was truly a blessing! It's a blessing that I think about almost two years later--a blessing that I use to keep me going through tougher days like today.

It reminds me that a blessing doesn't have to be happening in the here and now to count.

Thank you my god family for giving me a huge blessing to reflect on!

Good grief; no really, the grief is good!

Okay, I am bursting at the seams to tell you about Arabella. It would appear that I am being challenged with goats because of Alice not being pregnant (just a bummer) and now this. . .

I have to rewind to when I asked Melissa (my awesome mentor on goats) about a lump on Arabella's private part. Melissa said that sounded interesting, she had no idea what this lump could be, so I had Arabella checked out by a vet. He said she had a swollen clitoris from rubbing when she's in heat. He said to wipe that area with Tuck's three times a day and it'll go away in a couple weeks.

It never went away.

Meanwhile. . .

Arabella has been acting strange since about four months old and has been increasingly peculiar as she has gotten older. I refer to her as my lesbian goat because she does weird things like sticks her nose in the other girls' pee stream, "talks" to them with noises  the other girls have never used, pushes their back ends with her head, and mounts the other girls when they are in heat--aggressively. She mounts the other girls when SHE is in heat, lol! She just doesn't act normal and being a newbie at all this, I thought she was just in her own world and she's my lesbian goat. Well, I wasn't too far off! I've been doing some more reading and apparently, I have a hermaphrodite goat. . . she has girl outside parts, but boy inside parts. And what she has been behaving like is a buck, but with a girl twist. And that "swollen" part on her clitoris is basically, a wanna-be penis. Likewise, she has next to nothing in teat size--another symptom. Crazy, huh!? I had to know for a fact, so I had Arabella checked out by another vet and he confirmed my goat is a she-he.

I sound all light-hearted about it, but I was crushed. I cried. No babies and now my best pedigree is absolutely worthless. She was  the one Melissa asked me to milk test and everything. She's not worth $100. I paid a bazillion! (Not really, but you know what I mean. It was a chunk of investment in my world.) I was mad and I am still sick to my stomach about it, but who was to know? It's not anyone's fault and it's not Arabella's fault. I blame no one because there is no one to blame. It is what it is, I suppose. So I have been having my on/off grieving days. The only thing she is good for is being what's called a "teaser". . . she knows exactly when my girls are in heat and tells me about it. I don't know what  to do with her. Do I keep her, do I sell her as a pet? Business wise, I should toss her, but sentiment-wise, I am tied to her. What would you do?

Aside from goat talk, we had more bad news in the vehicle department. Our truck requires about $2000 worth of repairs since the engine block is cracked. We found the truck, one day, leaking oil and antifreeze mixed and Scott says he thinks he can actually see the crack. I feel horrible because I think it's my fault. . . when that hose gave out on the truck and I drove it about ten minutes while it was full-blown overheating. . . I know in my gut that did it in.

So that's that. *Sigh* Life is such an adventure! Aside from my whining and venting, I just want to point out how good God has been to us even in our seemingly constant troubles. Everytime something has gone bad, we can see where God was at work so it could still go good. Like the truck, for instance. . . we actually had the jeep down for awhile and the truck lasted just long enough to get the jeep fixed before it broke down. Praise God! It could've been two vehicles down at the same time! And as for Arabella. . . Melissa wants to make it "right"~she doesn't have to, but she wants to. How amazing is that? And then there are blessings to count: my kids are doing better with school and they are healthy (just had their check-ups so I can verify that, lol!), Scott and I have each other instead of going at all this alone, our electricity isn't turned off, there's food on the table, my friends are family. . . the list goes on! I hold onto these truths because they are exactly that: the truth. I try to remind myself that this life is so fleeting, so enjoy the ride.

Adjustments.

Well.

It's bittersweet to be blogging this post. I have some disappointing news all the way around.

First, let's address Alice and her pregnancy. Yeah, she was never pregnant. By no fault of anyone (except the buck, lol), she just didn't take and instead of getting bigger via pregnancy, she has gotten fat via grain. In fact, since I have taken her off grain, she has become quite despondent with me. Little stinker.

I was very sad that Alice was not pregnant. I mourned for days. I invested so much time, attention, and money into the venture just for it to be naught. I was beyond excited and anticipated so much. It was all a let down. Alas, we press forward. . .

The next plan is to find a breeder for her. I want her bred by December, for May kids, but I am having such a difficult time finding anyone other than "driveway breeders". Driveway breeders, literally, bring their buck out to the driveway, in which the goats do their thing and we drive off afterwards. The downfall is it's even less of a guarantee that she will be impregnated, it's expensive for what risk you take, I would have to know exactly when she's in heat (and I'm still learning Alice since I haven't been paying attention for five months, thinking she was preggo), and honestly, I don't think it's the way to go about it. Very impersonal. I want more. I'm willing to pay more for getting more. Arghh. ;)

So that's that.

Next is about me. I have a confession to make. Without getting into nitty-gritty details, I suffered a pretty big bout of depression around Halloween. I could blame the PTSD and/or the Bipolar stuff, but regardless, it happened and it landed my suicidal butt in the hospital for five days. I was admitted on my birthday. It was hard. I wanted to come home right away; I didn't wanna be there. But it was necessary. I had plans to do me harm and I had to be somewhere safe until my plans dissolved from demise to hope. And eventually willingness took over willfulness and I got my hope back. I still struggle from hour to hour, but it's not as dark.

As a result, Scott and I determined that getting on my feet and taking care of myself needed to be at the forefront of my agenda, so we put the kids back in public school. They are NOT happy. When I say that, it's still an understatement. Nina has argued til she's blue in the face, but is steadily becoming resolved. Dominic is throwing all sorts of processing fits. He's angry, confused, frustrated. . . everything he doesn't need as he tries to adjust. I finally had a break through with him this morning before he climbed on the bus. He actually smiled and said I love you!

I feel guilty that the kids are back at school because I feel like I have failed as a parent. They were happier to be by my side and ultimately, so was I. There's an intimacy between mom and kids when you homeschool. Public school can't replace that and I think my kids are mourning that loss. I feel I have stripped them of that bond we have. The three of us are struggling on how to replace that loss with something new and just as good.

In a nutshell, keep us in your prayers as we readjust to life circumstances. Pray for my children. Pray for well-rounded classmates they can befriend, peace and strength about this change.

Thank you!

Not alone!

Below is a link to a really good article I read about a mom who stays at home, despite being a lower-income  family. I found it encouraging because her tips are very real to what we (mostly) already do. And it was also encouraging to know that our family is not alone and that there are families out there in the same predicament of trying to get by in today's world. And she thanked God that they can with what they have. Awesome. 

http://thehumbledhomemaker.com/2012/10/staying-at-home-with-your-kids-when-you-can-barely-afford-it.html

Welcome!

 Introducing my niece, Harmony Rose Sollars! 

She was born yesterday, October 12th @ 12:28 p.m., weighing 7lbs 4oz. and 19 inches long. 

 She's a beautiful baby with a headful of dark hair.

Mom and baby are doing great! All this joy and stuff. . . 

gets me excited for another special baby who's on his way. . . (not from me, lol!) 

Brace Face!

Dr. Lasley is checkin' out Nina's mouth. . .

 ROFL! I mean, this so funny, is it not???

In this monumental moment, I had to get one more pic in. 

She wouldn't give me a straight face, so what you see is what you get, lol!

What a work out!

 I am sore. My muscles I didn't even know I had are sore. I ache. My eyelids are aching. I officially worked-out today and not in a traditional manner. No, no. . . whereas most people are enjoying a traditional jog ("enjoying" may not necessarily be the word, lol) or jumping on their elliptical, I "enjoyed" digging the world's longest trench with Scotty. We've dug a 115 foot trench to bury our electricity in--for the barn. (Remember, at my house, it's usually all about the goats.) We decided not to dig the traditional two-foot-deep trench and instead we dug deep enough to bury the wire in conduit.  

Scott thought "smarter-and-not-harder" and broke out the rototiller. My gosh, that helped because I had dug about 15-20 feet in the hard dirt and I was pooped. I had to catch my second wind and then I went to town digging while Scott ran the rototiller. (We make a great team, don't we?) The purpose in running electricity to the barn is to have a light (duh) and an outlet to plug in the heater that my babies will need to stay warm this winter. We are running out of time to get this done since Scott leaves on Wednesday for two weeks. Ay yay, the work never ends. . . 

Projecting. . .

 I've been picking up some long-awaited projects. One of them was to hang my Jacob Zook hex signs on the barn. I love the Pennsylvania-Dutch art! Not a difficult project, but one I haven't done because well. . . I forgot where I put the signs! I lost them somewhere in the house and found the accidentally while doing some fall cleaning! I can be such a flake. . . 

Another project, which consisted of five cans of spray paint (you can blame this year's ozone wearing on me,  **sad face**), was an old dresser I picked up off from craigslist for $15. I bought knobs on ebay and wa-la! Scott has a dresser now. Of course, he is displeased with the pinks knobs, lol! I keep telling him they are not all pink, they were named amber pink, lol!

Now I gotta figure out what projects are next. I think I am going to focus on projects for my room, since I am changing it from the black-n-white colors to shabby chic. I gotta turn anything wood into white. Which consists of repainting my bedroom trim. Any volunteers to help? Lol!

My girls!

 My poor, sweet Alice. I don't think she's considered this pregnancy fun! Especially when she has two youngin's like Star and Arabella hanging around, constantly wanting to play.

 Here's Alice from the back end where you can see her tummy-outage more. Just a hair over two weeks to go! I'm so excited and nervous and thrilled and. . .and. . . but Alice? She's like, whatever. 

 Here are my girls thinkin' my camera is edible, so they are hangin' around waiting for me 

to feed it to them, lol!

 Everybody loves Star! She's easy to love because she's gentle, cuddly, and super-sweet.

Arabella, on the other hand, is my stinker, although she does love to be talked to. She loves her face cupped in your hands while you whisper sweet-nothing's to her. When that's not taking place, she's usually trying to prove her point via stubbornness. I've never met a more stubborn creature!

Fall is for Festive!

 It's that time of year again; the sun is shining softer, the leaves are on fire with color, and you step outside to smell the wood stoves burning. I love Fall. I really do. It seems to be when I am most organized. (Which is not saying that I am completely organized, lol!) I also love breaking out the fall decorations, doing projects, and creating a festive mood to celebrate my favorite season.  

Over the last few days, I have discovered my pumpkin recipes and have gone hog-wild in the kitchen. My favorite so far has been the pumpkin cupcakes with maple frosting that I made yesterday. Delish. And I have become an advocate of wheat flour, as I substituted half my flour with that. (I think it makes for a richer final product, plus it's a wee bit healthier.)

So cheers to Fall and all of it's festivities!

Thankful

 I was thinking yesterday what it would be like if I didn't home school. I would be lonely and bored. Though my kids may drive me bonkers, I appreciate and am thankful for the hub-bub they make during the day. They keep me on my toes and give me something to wake up for. I really love them and what we do. 

Stardom!

We had a horrible day last Saturday when we lost the water pump on the truck. BUT the day was much alleviated by good friends who allowed us to tow to their house, avoiding a costly tow, and allowing Scott to work on the truck there. (I mean, it's a big deal when one man lends another man his tools, lol!) The kids and I waited for developments at their house and I got bored. So Mac, their dog, and I played model and snapped a bunch of pics! Ain't he good lookin'???

Siblings.

Who says they can't get along!? We sold the couch last night because we are trying to revamp the space we have and the couch we had was huge for the tiny space. Anyhow, the kids have taken over the empty space with Legos! They are building a Lego City, their way. They are actually getting along very well. Who'da thunk that just an hour ago they were in their rooms because they had been yelling at each other? It's gonna be a real heart breaker when I tell them in a few minutes that they have to stop and do their school work. 

Seriously.

I have issues, who doesn't? We all have wounds that almost make us who we are. I say almost because at some point we have a choice to alter (as in change, deny, or oust) the lies that form us. I battle this. I lose a lot. I also try hard to not let the word "Bipolar" define who I am. I am working really hard on that because I know that my faith can rise above it. But the reality is, I do have a mental health problem. And it takes over a lot, even when I am making choices to change the potential outcome. When it's "coming on" I ask Jesus for help. I ask for it to go away. I ask for his care. I ask to be in the palm of His hand. I ask these things moments before the storm hits. And I believe he answers these prayers because I am still alive. But he doesn't deliver me the way everyone wants me to be delivered. He doesn't deliver me the way I expect to be delivered. He works on me through my diagnosis. And although it doesn't define who I am, it is a tool for my sanctification. 

When I am in the storm, I can't "just change". I can't make the decision to just "get better". I'm not a light switch with an off/on. When I am riding the waves, I am just holding on for dear life. Literally. I am crouched in His palm, weathering the torrential downpour. And I can't stand, I can't think, I can't breathe. I can just be what it is at that moment. Hard. 

I am so frustrated that God has chosen not to cure me. I thought it could happen. I know it can still. But for now, I am who I am--evolving.  

Soccer!

 For many, fall brings thoughts of football. For us, we think soccer! Dominic chose soccer over football, despite the opportunity he had to play football. I think he's just too much like his daddy in sports. Dominic's favorite position is Goalie and I wish I had brought the camera yesterday because he played Goalie and did great! His games are Tuesdays. Saturdays, and Sundays, with practice on Wednesdays and Thursdays. Because he's in a U12 division, he's a big boy now! The soccer field is full size, the goal is full size, and the game length includes two 45 minute halves! Did you know that a soccer player will run an average of six miles? Well, at least in high school. . . 

P.S. Notice it's MY kid wearing the blue shorts instead of conforming like everyone else and wearing the black shorts???