This is my view looking out the jeep window. . .it's the spot where D is supposed to have his soccer pics, but instead they headed to the school gym. I swear it was dark, windy, and pouring rain five minutes ago!
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Personally, I don't see it on me. Scott says my face is thinner. I just don't see it. I don't feel it. I think when I hit the 25 pound marker I will start getting excited. I also think that I'm not seeing it/feeling it because I feel that I am so overweight, it takes a good chunk before the results start showing.
I am also noticing that I am facing some self-esteem issues. I keep doubting that this will even work on me because I don't think I am "good enough", or that I am worth it. Even though the scale says I've lost some weight, I have this internal expectation that it's all a joke and I'll gain it all back in a few days. I feel like I've been given a gift and it'll be snatched back. I don't want to be disappointed.
Meanwhile, I have been walking everyday, at least a half hour. Today is really nasty out, so I will probably ride the indoor bike today. Besides, Scott went back to work today and so I've lost my walking partner and I absolutely despise walking alone.
I am also eating like a bird. And I'm supposed to be. I think my calorie consumption for the day is somewhere around 1200-1300 calories. Also, it supposed to take me 20-30 minutes to eat a meal. And the meal is small. I just had breakfast that consisted of one scrambled egg with cheese sprinkled on top. That fills me up. The bites have to be small and chewed beyond recognition. And then I wait a few minutes between each bite. This new practice is extremely difficult for me. I was raised with a bunch of boys and if you didn't grab your food and wolf it down, they'd do it for you. So, needless to say, I have always eaten fast. When I eat too fast now, my stomach gets a heaviness to it and I feel a little sick. It passes but it's uncomfortable.
The water I have to drink is incomprehensible to my little brain. I have never been a water drinker. I am the type that just hasn't required much. I could, in the past, go a few days without a single glass of aqua. Now, if I'm not eating, I'm drinking water. I can't drink a half hour before or after meals, but other than that, I am sipping water every five minutes. I bought myself a new water bottle at Target and it's always with me. The goal for constantly drinking water is to be drinking before thirst sets in. Because of the size of my "new" stomach, I just can't down a glass of water when I'm thirsty. I would throw up. The first week, I was choking it down; I just don't like water. But now it's a little easier. Unfortunately, I am back to drinking Crystal Light, which is really bad for anybody, but that's the only way I can drink the water. I am keeping my eyes peeled for other options.
So that's my haps about me in my little world. How are you?
Friday, March 15, 2013
I just wanna thank all the people that have sent me texts, phone calls, and messages of encouragement. I was feeling pretty lousy and then you guys brightened up my world! My progress is because of you. Thank you.
I have also decreased the feedings today from four times a day to three. So now they eat at 7 a.m., 1p.m., and 7p.m. I made the change because they hardly touch their morning bottle, so I wanted to stretch their night bottle's so that the next morning they will eat a full bottle.
Also, I HAVE to tell you this hilarious--true--story. Today, when Scott was holding down Orion as we tattooed him, Scott says, "Oh man!" We all look down to see what he's fussing about: Orion peed right in Scott's crotch so it looked like Scott peed himself! It was soooooo funny and then Melinda tops it off by walking away so she could go get all the farmhands so they could see! (Be sure to let Scott know you know this eventful moment!)
Today was physically hard because I did the tattoo-ing and I did a lot of bending down and stretching over. I went the entire day without pain meds, too. I don't even bother with the Tylenol because it doesn't help at all and it just ends up upsetting my tummy.
Speaking of tummy. . . my gosh, have I got a gurgle-y tummy! I drink, it gurgles. I eat, it gurgles. I sit, it gurgles. That thing is always talking to me now! And it makes me burp a lot! And I can't hold them in, or it hurts! It's funny now, but when I want to be polite somewhere, I'm just gonna end up embarrassing myself! Hopefully, it's just part of the healing process and it'll pass. Something to ask the doc on Monday at my post-op appointment.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
I can drink liquids and take my pills now! Yay!
I didn't realize how hard this was going to be. All the testimonials I had heard from the support group I went to never once mentioned the emotional aspect of bariatric surgery. Or how much support you need from loved ones.Maybe it's just me and I'm a big baby? I need friends more than ever right now. I keep turning to find one and there is no one there.
But I was pleasantly surprised yesterday. It was at the end of the day. I had just finished crying (told ya I'm a big baby) and was wallowing in self pity, I guess. And I got a text from someone who spoke very encouraging words. It was like a sun break on a stormy day. It was just what I needed. You know who you are. Thank you!
Today will be challenging because I am by myself all day. Scott went to a field trip with Nina. I even have to feed the goats at noon. Physically, I still hurt a lot. The incision made to pull my stomach out hurts the most. So it'll be interesting to feed the goats alone. I can't let them climb on me. And I can't hold them while I feed them.
I'm just ready to move forward on so many levels in so many ways. I can't dwell on what was and yet I am stuck in this kind of limbo stage before moving forward. Very discouraging.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
I'm in the general surgery clinic because we had a little glitch. Since Monday, I've been feeling more nauseous and throwing up. We called the nurse and I ended up with an appointment for today. Now, I'm lying on a hospital bed with an iv. Apparently I'm very dehydrated. They are trying to get the nausea under control so that I can take in meds, liquids and food again.
All this is making me very emotional because I thought I would be recovering towards my happily ever after. Instead I'm wondering if I should have ever done this at all.
P.S. Scott is typing this so parden any errors in ay shape or form...just try to find them...
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Gross update first: my cathater has been removed! But my drain tube is still in. I took a picture of my drain tube. Looks like a hand
I'm still on an i.v., but I am practicing sips of water, isopure (protein water), beef broth, and jello. (This regime is also pictured, lol.) I dunno how they want me to consume all this, considering it is supposed to take me twenty minutes to drink one of those medicine cup thingy's in the picture.
I was on morphine but had a reaction to it; it made me so itchy, it felt like my skin was on fire. So around 1a.m. I stopped taking it and finally told a nurse about it around 8a.m. So I got benadryal for itchiness and oxycoten for pain. But I'm still a little itchy and in pain. I guess it just comes with the territory. I feel like I'm being a big baby.
Meanwhile, I wait for my hubby for good company! Yay!
Friday, March 8, 2013
So surgery went really well. I'm bummed tho cause I have a cathater and drain tube. Not fun. The surgery itself went about an hour long. I'm on morphine, but I'm not all loopy like I thought I'd be. Darn, lol. I'm surprised I can actually type, tho, I am a little slow at it.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Soooo. . . I made a change today. I actually spent money on myself, for one. Two, I gotta haircut! I've attached pictures. . . I don't know how that's gonna turn out cause it's from my phone . . .
The cool things about my haircut: it's shorter and bouncier. And I cut off so much (like ten inches) that it's being donated to Locks of Love! I was stoked when she told me I could do that. Made my day!
Also to note, Nina and I received our first pedicures today! It's true--we've never had pedicures. I missed getting a picture. Bummer cause we had fun.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
So after the doc talk, I headed to anesthesiology for blood draws and surgery prep. They took ten tubes of blood from me. The nurse was like, here have some water. I drank it and she said, here, have some more. Lol!
I found out I am the third case of the day, so I won't be showing up til like around noon the day of. I find out for sure on Thursday. I will stay in the hospital til Sunday afternoon/evening. Then I get to be loopy at home for the next week or so. Scott will be taking off from work til the following Monday.
I am not so anxious for the surgery as I am for other things. I am more worried if my goats will get fed on time. Or people answering the craigslist ads for the goats (they are for sale now) and us not being available. Or the goats getting sick while I am recovering and what if I don't catch it? Or the goats getting their weekly wormer. I guess I am worried about goats, lol. I know that sounds obsessive, but I have a lot of time and heart invested in these four-legged creatures.
At night I fall asleep doing the math on how much weight I'll lose by certain dates. The doc says by the end of March, I should shed 25lbs. I like the sounds of that. It's not going to be easy tho. Liquid diet until the end of March, or even beyond? That'll be tough. Then the issue of no more of the things I love. . . not even in moderation. When I went to the support group we were required to attend, I listened to people talk about the process. One lady said that she was accused for taking "the easy way out" by having the bariatric surgery. She was irate because nobody, unless personally experiencing it, gets what goes into the process. It requires a lot of self-discipline. My goals are set, now it's just time to accomplish them!