Welcome to my side of the fence. . .

Welcome to my side of the fence. . . Here you will
enjoy some good laughs, maybe some frustrations,
and hopefully (if I'm a good enough writer), a few tears.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013


It's Day 12 post-op and so far I have lost somewhere between 17-20 lbs. (I kinda forgot to weigh in on my scale before the surgery. I only have the hospital scale with the "official" number and we all know hospital scales and personal scales don't see "eye to eye".) I am down almost two pant sizes. I am in that limbo stage where the one size is too big, but the next size is too small. So I figure in a couple of days I'll be down the full two sizes.
Personally, I don't see it on me. Scott says my face is thinner. I just don't see it. I don't feel it. I think when I hit the 25 pound marker I will start getting excited. I also think that I'm not seeing it/feeling it because I feel that I am so overweight, it takes a good chunk before the results start showing.
I am also noticing that I am facing some self-esteem issues. I keep doubting that this will even work on me because I don't think I am "good enough", or that I am worth it. Even though the scale says I've lost some weight, I have this internal expectation that it's all a joke and I'll gain it all back in a few days. I feel like I've been given a gift and it'll be snatched back. I don't want to be disappointed.
Meanwhile, I have been walking everyday, at least a half hour. Today is really nasty out, so I will probably ride the indoor bike today. Besides, Scott went back to work today and so I've lost my walking partner and I absolutely despise walking alone.
I am also eating like a bird. And I'm supposed to be. I think my calorie consumption for the day is somewhere around 1200-1300 calories. Also, it supposed to take me 20-30 minutes to eat a meal. And the meal is small. I just had breakfast that consisted of one scrambled egg with cheese sprinkled on top. That fills me up. The bites have to be small and chewed beyond recognition. And then I wait a few minutes between each bite. This new practice is extremely difficult for me. I was raised with a bunch of boys and if you didn't grab your food and wolf it down, they'd do it for you. So, needless to say, I have always eaten fast. When I eat too fast now, my stomach gets a heaviness to it and I feel a little sick. It passes but it's uncomfortable.
The water I have to drink is incomprehensible to my little brain. I have never been a water drinker. I am the type that just hasn't required much. I could, in the past, go a few days without a single glass of aqua. Now, if I'm not eating, I'm drinking water. I can't drink a half hour before or after meals, but other than that, I am sipping water every five minutes. I bought myself a new water bottle at Target and it's always with me. The goal for constantly drinking water is to be drinking before thirst sets in. Because of the size of my "new" stomach, I just can't down a glass of water when I'm thirsty. I would throw up. The first week, I was choking it down; I just don't like water. But now it's a little easier. Unfortunately, I am back to drinking Crystal Light, which is really bad for anybody, but that's the only way I can drink the water. I am keeping my eyes peeled for other options.
So that's my haps about me in my little world. How are you?

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