Welcome to my side of the fence. . .

Welcome to my side of the fence. . . Here you will
enjoy some good laughs, maybe some frustrations,
and hopefully (if I'm a good enough writer), a few tears.

Sunday, September 7, 2014

A small milestone.

I want to kudos me today. I usually eat less than 500 calories a day and run or ride my elliptical for over an hour. Today, I ate 1025 calories and rode my elliptical for only forty minutes. I actually had a latte. It was hard drinking the entire thing because of guilt but I felt like I needed to finish it to make a point to myself. I needed to try and teach myself that it's okay to enjoy in moderation and like it. Without the guilt. Without feeling like I'm gonna throw up or wish I could make myself throw up.
I spent the day out of my comfort zone. It was a mind game all day. I was emotional with anger and guilt. I felt like I should be punished for the calories I was consumimg. I felt fat and like I could feel fat growing on my body. And I was angry for allowing myself to enjoy the first half of that pumpkin spice latte.
I just don't want to be 275 pounds again. I don't want to enjoy the things that got me there--bad meds and food. I'm exhausted from the mental game I played today.
I want to thank Scotty for coaching me through each meal. For reminding me to use my DBT skills (skills u learn to cope with life as a bipolar. . . It can be applied to any person, mental health issue or not) and just encouraging me.
And the Feed Rachael fb page helped because I showed what I ate and received encouraging words.
I don't know what tomorrow holds. But today was a victory.

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