Skinny dreams.

I went yesterday to the pre-op appointment for my bariatric surgery on Friday the 8th. I was at the hospital for 4 hours! It was craziness, I tell you! I went to General Surgery first, to talk with the doc. He said, right away, liquids from here on out! My jaw bout dropped to the floor. So much for my Farewell to Junk Food Party. It wouldn't be so bad if I had some Isopure. It's a protein water--40 grams of protein to a 20 oz bottle. But the commissary is completely out and the water is on back order. So I have to look for it in the civilian world. Poo. That water is great for hunger issues because of the protein content.

So after the doc talk, I headed to anesthesiology for blood draws and surgery prep. They took ten tubes of blood from me. The nurse was like, here have some water. I drank it and she said, here, have some more. Lol!

I found out I am the third case of the day, so I won't be showing up til like around noon the day of. I find out for sure on Thursday. I will stay in the hospital til Sunday afternoon/evening. Then I get to be loopy at home for the next week or so. Scott will be taking off from work til the following Monday.

I am not so anxious for the surgery as I am for other things. I am more worried if my goats will get fed on time. Or people answering the craigslist ads for the goats (they are for sale now) and us not being available. Or the goats getting sick while I am recovering and what if I don't catch it? Or the goats getting their weekly wormer. I guess I am worried about goats, lol. I know that sounds obsessive, but I have a lot of time and heart invested in these four-legged creatures.

At night I fall asleep doing the math on how much weight I'll lose by certain dates. The doc says by the end of March, I should shed 25lbs. I like the sounds of that. It's not going to be easy tho. Liquid diet until the end of March, or even beyond? That'll be tough. Then the issue of no more of the things I love. . . not even in moderation. When I went to the support group we were required to attend, I listened to people talk about the process. One lady said that she was accused for taking "the easy way out" by having the bariatric surgery. She was irate because nobody, unless personally experiencing it, gets what goes into the process. It requires a lot of self-discipline. My goals are set, now it's just time to accomplish them!

Half Pint Farm.

 So. I applied for our farm name through ADGA (American Dairy Goat Association) and although we wanted our first choice as Half Pint Acre, it was already chosen by another farm, so we got our second choice: Half Pint Farm. So we are officially a farm, lol! By the way, Alice (above) says hi!

 We "celebrated" our official-ness by buying 32 tons of structural fill (a type of gravel) with some of our tax money. The objective is to get it smoothed out over the goat & chicken area because we are having some issues. One, is drainage. The rain has swamped this area and it doesn't drain. Instead it pools and the goats are walking through it. Wet hooves mean foot rot. And currently, my girls have what's called thrush, a type of foot rot. They are on the mend, but I want to avoid it for the future. Also, having rock gravel will naturally trim their hooves so they aren't overgrown--another issue I faced this winter.Getting structural fill kinda solves a multitude of problems. 

 I caught Frankie stealing a break from her kids. When we got her, she came to me with a cough. I thought the cough was a result of having a big belly from her pregnancy and that she was having difficulty coughing up her cud from the belly pressure. It's not gone away since her kidding, tho. I fear it's lungworm. In fact, I'm more than sure it's lungworm. I responded with putting her (and all the goats) on a herbal wormer regime. But there's only a small chance that it will get the lungworm. So I am going to have to use chemicals. And the only chemical I know of that works on lungworm is Ivermectin Plus. It's expensive. Like a two ounce bottle for almost $50! But I will treat all the girls, just in case the lungworm has spread.

For the longest time after I began feeding alfalfa pellets (which I did that because they are so wasteful on the alfalfa hay), the girls wouldn't touch what alfalfa I did put out for them. But since the kids are eating it, so are the big girls! Lol! It's important for all the goats to get roughage. Even tho they are getting the nutritional value from the alfalfa pellets, they still need "texture" to make good poops. (That's the best way I can explain it, lol.) Alfalfa pellets are so ground up, there's no roughage to it. I've tried like three different kinds of hay to give them their roughage (the cheaper route), but they won't eat anything but alfalfa! My girls are SPOILED! 

After the dump truck came and dumped the fill, the goats had a blast climbing the "mountains". Then they got tuckered out and napped. This is a picture of Capella and Gemma.

Then they woke up again. Lol! Sorry for the haze. . . we burned.

Nina's favorite is Hercules. She can put him to sleep in like thirty seconds. He is incredibly soft! It's going to be hard to say goodbye to them. You never forget your "firsts". 

Nina did the five o'clock feeding last night. We are teaching Gemma and Tally to feed standing up, instead of us holding them. Problem is, the big girls think it's time to bottle feed them! 

So that's the haps. I hope all is well on your end!

They are growin' up!

Be still.

I am sitting here, sipping my sugary sweet coffee, in the quiet of the morning. I am the only one up and it is quite peaceful. I look out the window and God has gifted me a few moments of sunshine. In this moment, right now, I am still and all is well. Right now, I know that He is God. In the craziness of the last couple of weeks, it is suddenly all okay. Until the panic, worry, stress, and uncertainty return, I'm gonna enjoy this moment.

Unconditional love.

I have so many goat pictures I want to share, but my computer has not worked for several days. In fact, I am typing this up via my new phone.
I gotta say, I love my goats. Everybody who knows me knows this. I'm crazy about them. When I was doing the noon feeding today, it dawned on me why I love my goats. In a world full of conditions and judgement, I find escape and peace in these animals. For a few moments, I am completely loved for just being there. I am not judged by my appearance, or for how I think, or for the decisions I make. I am accepted as I am. I am completely trusted.
In the human world, it's not that perfect. I get judged and loved conditionally. Trust is earned and nothing is without a price. It's a cruel world. But I have realized that I dish out just as much as I receive. I have done my fair share of judging and putting conditions on those around me. In fact, I dare say (ahem), I am the queen of high expectations. I guess this behavior comes with being a sinner by nature? My own selfishness and agenda is my demise.
I can't take back what wrong I have caused those around me. I can't even promise to make it better. I can only learn and hope that in the future I think before I judge or put expectations too high. To those affected by me: please be patient. I'm just as human as you are.

Summing It Up Tonight.

I’m Tired I’m worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world

And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

I know I need to lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn
My prayers are wearing thin
Yeah, I’m worn
Even before the day begins
Yeah, I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn
So, heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause all that’s dead inside will be reborn

~"Worn" by Tenth Avenue North

I can't get enough!